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Being Understood

floraThis may sound counter-intuitive or even paradoxical coming from a communications professional, but sometimes the desire to be understood can get in our way and actually inhibit our ability to be understood. Also, sometimes being understood is beside the point, unnecessary and over-rated.

I have spent much of my life trying to get the people around me to understand me and to accept me based on that understanding. I have tried to intellectualize my thoughts, feelings, dreams and desires to make them seem logical, rational and reasonable to earn the understanding and validation of others. In trying to translate my thoughts, feelings, dreams and desires for logical consumption by others, I stopped understanding them myself and they became lost to me.

This weekend, at a retreat of 24 incredible, strong women – all of whom carried their own unique package of thoughts, feelings, dreams and desires – I realized that it is possible to understand more when we seek to be understood less. Finding the courage to set down my desire to be understood by others and instead just be myself in the midst of them, understood or not, took both more out of me and less out of me than I could have imagined.

I walked away from the weekend knowing that the courageous thing to do is to step into my own blindness, my own not knowing, my own lack of understanding; to get out of the way and let life live me instead of the other way around. I owe no apologies or explanations for who and how I am.

It’s okay if you don’t understand. Sometimes I don’t understand either. Sometimes we don’t need to understand.

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Hummingbird

hummingbirdOn Monday, I was sitting in my favorite chair on the porch, doing what I normally do when I sit out there: think about what is wrong with me/my life and turn myself inside out to try and fix it. I was feeling really down, just staring off into space, when I heard a little chirp and then saw a hummingbird appear in the flower box right in front of me. It danced around the pansies for a bit and then zipped off.

I couldn’t help but think that the hummingbird was a spirit (Uncle Vaughn?) trying to tell me something. It was so light, so joyful, so happy just to dance with the flowers. That’s what I want! But instead I choose to sit and stew and “work on myself”, believing that until I have checked all the boxes, exorcised all my demons or transcended all my bad habits – until I am “perfect” -  I don’t deserve to dance with the flowers or taste the sweetness of life. Hm…That seems awfully harsh, even for me.

And then I picked up my tablet and saw this post by the amazing Danielle LaPorte on my Facebook wall. This part hit me right between the eyes: “Continually staring down your demons can be an act of avoidance all its own. Recapitulating the reasons for your hurts, and isms, and faults can become addictive in and of itself. Eventually, you have to stop picking a fight with your true nature and decide to seek the joy that underlies it All.”

By trying to perfect myself before I show myself to the world, I am doing no one a favor. By denying myself the nectar of life and instead regurgitating the same stories over and over, I am feeding myself poison.

Just this morning, I received this “Note from the Universe” in my email:

“Do you know how to give folks what they most, most, most want from you, Jill, without even asking them what it is?

In all regards, just be yourself.

That’s what they were after when they manifested you into their lives.”

It’s time to embrace the hummingbird of my nature, to dance with the flowers, to taste the sweetness, to flit and explore and be powerful (and joyful – don’t forget joyful!) by being blissfully imperfect.  It’s time to stop working on myself and get to work being myself!

Look out world…or don’t, I don’t care…here I come!

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My Uncle Vaughn’s Last Gift to Me

Uncle VaughnMy Uncle Vaughn Burnside passed away on Monday, May 13, 2013 at the age of 70 of a rare and very aggressive form of cancer. He was diagnosed just five weeks before he died, and I am still somewhat in shock.

This Tuesday, my brother Pete and I were honored to speak at Uncle Vaughn’s memorial service, sharing memories of the man we remember growing up as part of a very close extended family in Northwest Indiana.

He gave us all so many gifts across his life. Pete recalled how Uncle Vaughn’s laugh filled a room and filled Pete with a sense of approval whenever he could coax a laugh out of the normally soft-spoken, somewhat reserved man. I remembered a time when I was maybe two or three, and Uncle Vaughn sat on the floor with my dad and played with me. One of the best gifts Vaughn gave his sister (my mom), Pat, was the gift of compassion and support in traveling from Iowa to Indiana to help transition their mother (my grandma) into an assisted living facility after she began showing signs of dementia.

For me, the last gift Uncle Vaughn gave me made a lasting impression. Two weeks ago, I flew from Virginia to Minnesota and drove down to Cedar Rapids, Iowa with Pete after receiving the news that Vaughn would only live another three days. He had been moved from the hospital to a beautiful hospice facility when Pete and I arrived with our parents. We were fortunate that he woke up and was lucid shortly after we arrived. We all went to his bedside, one-by-one, to touch him and talk to him.

I walked up and leaned over him. “Hi Uncle Vaughn. I love you,” I said. He spoke, but I couldn’t hear, so I bent close to him. He repeated his words: “You get more beautiful all the time.”

I was so moved I had to step away. Physically I knew I was anything but beautiful that day. I hadn’t showered, I wore no makeup, and my hair was a mess. And yet, I felt beautiful because of the love and respect I have for this man and his family. That’s what he saw and that’s what he spoke.

Hearing him say that, knowing that I needed to hear it, gave me the gift of clarity and perspective and served to underline something I have always known but sometimes forget in the rush and crush of everyday living.  In the end, it doesn’t matter what we look like on the outside, as long as we show up – really show up – with an open heart, love and respect.

Uncle Vaughn did that with his family all the time. He showed up, he was beautiful and he was a gift to this world. His legacy of love will live on in all of us who knew him. In his memory, I plan to do my best to show up, open-hearted and loving every day, because that’s what makes life beautiful.

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Tightropes and Bridges

tightropeSometimes, communication inside an organization or team can be like walking on a tightrope, especially during the process of significant change. One false move, and down you go!

From a management point of view, tightropes are easy to construct. Connect point A to point B, add tension and send people on their way.

But from the perspective of an individual or team trying to navigate from one point to the next, the process of walking the tightrope is difficult at best, treacherous at worst. I have worked in organizations in which there seemed to be a web of tightropes, none of them connected. We were all so focused on staying balanced on our own, that we couldn’t afford to help anyone else out. Our own paths may have been clear, but they certainly were not easy and often inspired fear.

Bridges on the other hand, take a lot of thought, engineering and time to construct properly and safely. They are much more difficult to build than tightropes. But once they are built, they are relatively easy to navigate for those who must use them.

Organizations who see the creation of internal communications plans and processes as bridges, helping staff safely and clearly move from one place to another, are those who take the time to understand the infrastructure and construction of a conscious, clear and consistent communications strategy. They take their people’s feelings (and fears) into account and build their communications structure to support and address those. The best ones engage their people in helping to build the bridges, to ensure they are complete. These organizations don’t dismiss or resist the element of tension – bridges require tension to do their job effectively – but remain aware of managing the tension so as to keep the structure stable and people safe.

How much time do you spend considering and constructing your internal communications practices? Are your people walking on tightropes?

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Top 10 List for My Entry-Level Self

notes to younger selfRecently I was inspired by a post written by my friend Meghann Scherrer to her young careerist self. (Meghann was inspired by a similar post by Karen Vitale on Ragan.com.)

Ever since reading these posts, I have been thinking a lot about what I would tell a young me, just striking out into the wild world of work. My list is below.

Top 10 List for My Entry-Level Self

1. Speak up. I have extolled the importance of speaking up, telling the truth and using your voice in past posts, so I won’t belabor those points. However, speaking up isn’t just for when you have an idea or concern. Don’t understand? Find out. Don’t know? Say so. Need help? Ask for it. Think something smells funny (literally and figuratively), SPEAK UP.

2. Slow down. Yes, I know, going 100 mph is in the genes and you can’t “rewire” your central nervous system. But everything is not an emergency. Any time something feels so urgent you just want to slam through it, slow down. Mistakes are made by those in a hurry, and you’ll miss a lot of the really good stuff if all you are doing is rushing around checking boxes and yelling “DONE!” It’s a paradox, but consider that perhaps you are rushing through things just so that you can relax. And then try to relax anyway.

3. Jump in. Stop waiting to be invited. Stop waiting to be seen and recognized. Stop waiting for things to be just right before you make a move. Jobs aren’t like school. The tests aren’t scheduled. They happen at random, and you may or may not feel prepared. You just have to jump in and trust yourself. Hold your breath (or your nose) if you need to, but jump.

4. Chill out. Seriously. It’s not that serious. And if it seems that serious, it’s even more important to chill. Oh yeah, and you can stop holding your breath now. The key to chilling is to breathe, baby, breathe.

5. Hold on. When the going gets tough, gather up your values and hold on tight. Hold on to who you are when no one is watching, or when you don’t care who is. Hold on to the knowledge that you are smart, you are capable and you are going to be okay. Hold on, girl. It’s all good.

6. Let go. Let go of your mind’s attachment to the belief that things ”should be” other that they are. Let go of the story. You can only work with what is real and true. When you catch yourself mired in doubt and fear, let go and trust your gut. Let go of thinking all the time and start feeling instead. Let go of defensiveness; let go of resistance. When in doubt, let go and see what happens.

7. Move forward. You are not going to want to do everything that is given to you to do. When that happens, just move forward. You are not going to always know what’s next. That’s okay. You can move forward slowly, one little step at a time. There are times when it’s going to hurt to move, when you feel really stuck, or when you feel like you aren’t ready to move. Move anyway, but always forward.

8. Step back. Sometimes you are going to feel so close to something that you can’t see it anymore, can’t deal with it anymore. This is when you need to step back and try to see it from another perspective. Talk to someone you trust. Ask “what would a person I admire see or do here?” If something is smothering you, step back. Give it space. Let it, and yourself, breathe. (Haven’t you heard this somewhere before?)

9. Rise above. Hard fact: not everyone has the same values you do. Not everyone values hard work, responsibility, accountability and open communication. People can be shady. People can do and say terrible things out of fear and insecurity. People will try to stab you in the back. If you rise above, they won’t ever be able to reach your heart. Take the high road. Stay true to your values. Rise above the fray. Oh and when you make a mistake, own it but don’t beat yourself up. Rise above your feelings of shame and realize that there is no growth (or innovation or creativity) without mistakes.  Rise above the persuit of perfection and learn that you are enough.

10. Dive under. Things on the surface are not always as they seem. Dare to dive under and learn what’s really driving you, what’s really beneath your motivations, your fears, your desires. Dive under and see that the darkness is only darkness until you shine the light on it.

This exercise was an act of radical self-kindness for me. I’m really good at judging myself and not so good at supporting myself. I’m also still not great at some of the lessons I shared above (like the breathing thing…) But I’m moving forward. :-)

What would you tell yourself if you were just starting out?

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You CAN Handle the Truth

I’m a truth-teller. Actually I’m a recovering, frustrated truth-swallower who is becoming a brave and daring truth-teller. In my work now, telling the truth to clients is part of the deal. That’s why they pay me, and I tell them up front that I will tell the truth as I perceive it, even if it might be uncomfortable.

The truth must be told, otherwise it becomes a cancer.

I’ve always know this, but thanks to the great data-grounded work of inspirational researcher Brene Brown, I am finally able to breathe into it and say YES! We must share what is not pretty, what is not comfortable, in order to move forward and create better products, better services, better solutions. We can’t create from a place of subversion and spin. True creativity only comes with freedom of expression, free of judgment and shame.

Across my career I’ve had my fill of the-things-we-don’t-talk-about-around-here. I always wanted to know why not? I WANTED to talk about those things and figure out a way to work with them. I’m pretty sure other people did too. I knew the reason was that people were afraid, because I was too, that’s why I didn’t speak up. But what I see now is this: The things we don’t talk about become more powerful the less we talk about them. And the more energy we put into not talking about them, the less energy we have do really great things.

Wait a second. Am I suggesting we allow FEELINGS at work? Or worse, am I suggesting we allow people to TALK about their feelings at work? Yep.

Sure, we all know the saying “It’s not personal, it’s business.” But the truth is, if you are employing human beings, it IS personal. People cannot check their humanness at the door, turn off their feelings, flaws and fabulousness…at least not in a way that is healthy for them or for your business. Tony Schwartz knows the power of truth and practices truth-telling as part of his company culture, allowing people to be themselves at work. Imagine!

How? Well, the how is different for every person and every business. But I can suggest a starting place. Be brave. Realize that you CAN handle the truth, even if it’s uncomfortable. Know that the truth has healing power if it is shared in a safe environment.

Not ready to jump into the fire of truth just yet? Hire a coach to help you untangle your fear and resistance (email me if you want a referral, I know LOTS of compassionate and courageous coaches who will walk with you!) Then, become the truth-teller you were meant to be by starting to model openness and receptivity.

Read this Leadership Manifesto from Brene Brown for more mojo.

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Communication Best Practice: Contracting for Clarity

The very first class I took as part of the NTL Organization Development Certificate Program was one that focused on the process of entering into a relationship and contracting with a client. I approached the class with some resistance, as I presumed it would be centered around legal processes and other “very serious” things which intimidate the heck out of me.

I couldn’t have been more wrong. The course and the contracting process itself provided the missing link that shifted the way communication strategy was done and elevated the image and effectiveness of the communications team at The Entrepreneurs’ Organization during my final year there.

As many communications professionals know, the communications function is often seen as a purely tactical one in many organizations. Communications staff are often seen as the ones who make things “pretty” in writing, messaging and design, which usually means they are the last to be involved in any project.

The conversation, such as it is — more often than not it’s sent in an email and isn’t an actual conversation at all – usually goes something like this: “We want people to (insert desired action here) so we need you to make us a brochure/one-pager/webpage/email blast…oh and can you do it by tomorrow?Kthanksbye.”  Magnify this request by the number of departments, teams and/or projects competing for ”make it pretty” bandwidth and you create a communications hairball from which no real results have any hope of emerging.

Enter the contracting process. Here are the basics. Just because I can’t help it, I made them into an acronym for CONTRACT:

1. Conversation

As my contracting instructor, the incomparable Susan M. Gallant, would say, “The end is in the beginning.” Every email request was responded to in person, either with a visit or a phone call, to chat about the project and create a plan (aka. contract) for its execution.

2. Outcome

I say it on my home page and I’ll say it again. Effective communication isn’t about what is said or what is heard. Effective communication is all about what happens as a result. So, in order to build an effective communications plan, we needed to know what the desired result or outcome is.

3. Negotiation

Here is where we walked the tightrope a bit. Most often, or at least in our case at EO, the person making the request for the brochure/one-pager/webpage/email blast wasn’t the one who decided on the ultimate deliverable. And most often, the requested deliverable was not what we knew would actually produce the desired outcome. Negotiation of the final deliverable often included a second conversation with the decision-maker to ensure that he/she understood that we weren’t saying no to their request, but that we had some suggestions (often guised as questions) to deliver the results they wanted.

4. Timeline

Creating a timeline is crucial to effective communication plans. I encouraged my team to set metrics, based on the desired outcome, and plot them along the timeline, building in if-then scenarios in case the results were not tracking with the tactics. (For example: If we don’t have the minimum number of registrations by April 1, we will begin to make phone calls to member leaders.) This can be tough when the requests come last minute, but as a former boss of mine used to say, “You can get it done fast or you can get it done well.” Last minute requests were always respected, but we made sure part of the conversation included a discussion about the time necessary to create effective communications. After a while, most of the last-minute, wait-and-hurry-up requests subsided (most of them…)

5. Responsibility

This one is simple: Who is responsible for doing what and when? In the contract, this would look something like: “Message draft will be completed by M and sent to L by April 1. L will review and respond with edits, suggestions or approval by April 10.”

6. Accountability

This one is not so simple. What if M doesn’t get the draft done by April 1 or what if M never hears from L on April 10? To ensure accountability along the way, I was copied on all contracts so that I could check in periodically with both my team member and the person with whom they were working to ensure everything was being done as agreed, work through any conflicts or facilitate tweaks to the contract if necessary.

7. Communicate

Once the conversation had been had and all the details hashed out, my team would write up a contract to communicate their understanding of all that had been agreed upon. The contract itself was a simple email that followed a structure like this:

  • Project name and contact person
  • Desired outcome
  • Timeline with metrics, tactics and responsible parties assigned
  • Request for agreement, clarification or changes from the person receiving the contract

Work on the project would not commence until all parties had reviewed and agreed on the content of the contract.

8. Touch Base

After the project was complete, I would touch base with everyone involved to find out how the process went for them, celebrate the wins and discuss any challenges.

Implementing this contracting approach not only helped us create more strategic and effective communication programs to support our organization’s external efforts,  it also created a stronger internal communication structure, earning our team a seat at the table early in the planning process.

You don’t have to be a communications professional to apply a similar approach to your work. Try it today and see what will transpire.

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Your Point-Of-View is Your Gift

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As a young professional in the early days of my career, I used to get so frustrated that when my boss and co-workers would continually ignore important details or choose not to talk about the possible impacts their decisions would have.  I would sit there incredulous at their choice to be blind to what I believed was obvious.

One day, I just couldn’t take it any more and blurted out that I thought what was being proposed was a mistake and listed the reasons why. Slowly everyone turned to look at me. I was sure I was in trouble for “speaking of the unspeakable” but instead I saw some nodding from a few and from the others heard a chorus of “oh…right,” and “I never thought about it like that,” and yes even “huh?”

It never occurred to me that they just didn’t see those things, or at least that they didn’t see them the same way I did. It also never occurred to me that they were seeing things I couldn’t see.

Turns out, by sitting on my perceptions  and silencing my voice based on my assumptions and by tuning out the voices of others who had different perceptions than I did, I was contributing to both my own frustration and the struggles of the organization.

When I became a leader, the first thing I did was tell my team that I valued and wanted to hear their voices. I knew that whether we needed creative thinking to brainstorm ideas, brass-tacks analysis to unravel a thorny problem or a step-by-step approach to create effective processes, we would need every relevant perception, perspective and point-of-view on the table.

Unlocking your own voice and learning to use it in support of your team, your department and your organization may not be easy or comfortable depending on the culture in which you work, but stifling your point-of-view and going along to get along isn’t the answer either.

This week, pay attention to the times when you don’t speak up. What assumptions are you making that might not be true and how can you test them out? What is the cost to you, your team, department or organization if what you perceive isn’t heard because it is never voiced?

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Trickles, Floods, Blockages and Leaks…

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How does your organization’s communications flow?

Is it just a trickle, leaving people thirsting for more? Does it come in a flood that drowns everyone because it’s just too much and too all over the place? Is there a blockage along the way that causes things to back up, creating pressure that could eventually lead to a really nasty problem? Or maybe there’s a leak somewhere, eroding the system and rotting the foundation.

Your communications pipeline is the key to a happy and healthy organization. Keep it clean, keep it fresh and keep it flowing.

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Surrender!

This is the second of two essays I contributed to a World Book of Values, being compiled by Belgian consultant Patrik Somers. My last blog post on intention is my other contribution.

I chose to write about surrender because it is a value I struggle with daily. Coming from a culture that values doing, independence and control, the idea of surrender seems like giving up, giving in, copping out or becoming a victim of circumstance. America is not a place that values surrender. “Don’t just sit there, do something.” “Do or die.” Just the other day I saw a sign that read, “Sink or swim.”  

These beliefs, steeped in hundreds of years of struggle, still drive so many today. But often those of us not struggling to survive tend to “swim” out of resistance; we don’t want to be where we are, so off we go, flailing wildly in an attempt to be anywhere other than here. And yet, the more furiously we swim, the more energy we burn.  We sink when we have burned our energy and can swim no more, or when we are so overwhelmed by our resistance to what is happening that we give up and go under.

There is another option: to float, which is the essence of surrender. It’s the deep breath that keeps our heads above water and allows us to lie back, relax, assess, and accept what is. Surrender is not about quitting. It’s about accepting circumstances as they are and being fully present, whether we like what is happening or not, whether we are in control or not. As Byron Katie says, “You can argue with reality but you’ll always lose.” Sometimes it takes surrendering control to gain control.

My first year as an entrepreneur has been all about surrender. I plant seeds about my work here and there and surrender, hoping that Deepak Chopra is right that, “You find your path not by thinking, feeling or doing but by surrendering.” So far, so good.

Although ironically, just today I was feeling the anxiety that comes when I am not surrendering and am pressuring myself to produce and perform.  I was feeling guilty and stressed and under pressure to write this essay, yes this essay about surrender…Ha!  So I turned my friends on Facebook and asked them what they do when they are feeling unmotivated. These are the responses I received:

  • Just go with it……when I have zero motivation to work I go out (or stay in) and do something fun and resign myself to the fact it just isn’t in the cards to work that day (or week)!
  • Accept the fact that things are a bit off and go with the flow. There’s nothing good or bad about having an off day or week!
  • Be with it, it will pass and you may get to ‘notice’ something you are intended to.

My friends had no idea I was stressed because I was unable to surrender and yet, they all encouraged me to surrender. So I did. And as soon as I stopped resisting and surrendered, as soon as I stopped swimming and started floating, the words came.

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In Tension? Check Your Intention.

“Your intentions create the reality that you experience…Therefore, be mindful of what you project…What you intend is what you become.” – Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul

Whether we know it or not, whether we admit it or not, every experience we have is guided by the intention we bring to it. The outcomes of our every action and interaction are always aligned with our strongest intentions, whether we are conscious and aware or whether we are hiding or in denial. I have watched myself and others create suffering and joy, skepticism and trust, fear and comfort through the power of both conscious and unconscious intention.

As a child, I used to get so irritated when my brother would make a smart-mouth comment and be rewarded with laughter, whereas if I said the same words in the same context, I would be scolded. I used to think this was unfair. But looking back now, I realize my brother’s intention with his comments was usually to lighten the mood and make others laugh. My intention, on the other hand, was to bring attention to something I was feeling – something I didn’t like and wanted changed—in a passive-aggressive way.  No wonder the reaction was different!

It’s hard work getting to the bottom of our true intentions. We tell ourselves so many flattering and unflattering stories about what we want, what we mean, what we intend, that getting to the real truth of the matter requires the development of awareness that is not taught in most cultures. Gary Zukav, author of many books on consciousness, explains:

“What most people call intentions are actually out-tentions…the application of your will to accomplish a physical goal. An intention is the quality of the consciousness you bring to an action.”

It’s taken me many years, and many consequences, to realize that any time I feel  “in tension” before, during or after a choice, I need to check my intention. What do I consciously intend to be the outcome of this situation? Why?…Then why again and again until the real truth is revealed, gently, with reverence and gratitude. For it is only by uncovering my true, unvarnished intention that I can make a conscious choice and take (or not take) thoughtful, aligned action.

In order to live, work and approach the world with clear, clean, conscious intentions, we must be willing to deeply know and accept ourselves – shadows, blemishes, strengths, gifts and all. We must learn to watch and question our thinking, our feelings, our patterns and our behaviors at all times. We must learn to question ourselves before each choice, action, interaction or transaction to check our true intention. And last, we must ultimately be willing to forgive ourselves and our humanness when, believing we hold one intention, we find ourselves face to face with the consequences of an unconscious intention, no matter how much work we have done.

What are your intentions for this day? How can you bring your consciousness to them?

Einstein in the Clouds

einsteinA little more than a week ago – before summer descended in all it’s hot and humid glory on Northern Virginia, as it tends to do after Memorial Day — with my back and hips aching from the damp chill, I decided to take a nice, hot bath. I love getting the water just hot enough so that I can open the window above the tub, let the breeze blow in, hear the sounds of nature and look at the trees and sky while I soak and ponder.

This particular evening, it had rained, and large banks of clouds were marching across the sky. I watched them as they rolled and transformed themselves, playing the familiar game we played as kids, trying to see what I could see in their ever-changing form.

Suddenly, I saw a profile. One with bushy hair, a long nose and what appeared to be a mustache. Yes! It was Einstein. Einstein in the clouds! I laughed out loud in delight and wished I had my camera handy. But no sooner than he appeared, the great man was swallowed up by a shift in the breeze. Still, he had been there. And to think I had JUST read a quote from him that morning…

The quote I read was this one: “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Which, of course, lead me to thinking about the thinking I had used to create my most recent problem, namely that I am not doing well working 100% on my own. What was I thinking??

Granted, I am an “independent little cuss” to quote at least one of my parents and maybe a few other folks as well… And granted, I am an introspective, intuitive introvert. Yes, all of this means I do well working on my own and prefer times of solitude to think, generate ideas and rest.

What I have discovered, however, is that being independent and intuitive is not enough to attract the work to me, and I am driving myself up a tree and beating myself up about what I am doing (or not doing) that is wrong or, more often, what is wrong with me that I can’t “make” this work.

Now, Albert, if you weren’t a specter in the clouds, I would ask you what I should DO about that? I suspect you would tell me it’s all relative. And well, yes, I suppose it is. So, since then I have been thinking about a different kind of thinking, the kind that will help me solve this problem.

This is going to take a while, and it won’t be revealed as magically as Einstein’s profile in the clouds, but I figured a good place to start was by telling the truth of what lies behind the problem.  The truth is that I am not sure what to do with myself in my own context. I know what to do with myself in the context of other people, groups or organizations, but when left completely to my own devices, my own flood of ideas, my own pile of should, my own demons and delights, I tend to avoid, hide, armor up, shut down or numb out. And that’s just not working.

I know where this comes from. At least I’ve cracked that part of it, which was really tough. Now I need to change the thinking that was formed and perfected over a couple of decades. Phew. I wish that was as easy to do as it is to write. But, as it’s another partly cloudy, partly rainy afternoon, maybe I’ll wander outside and see if the clouds have something to say to inspire me…I just hope they don’t show me Al Roker, or worse, Al Bundy, this time.